The last time I wrote about this part of my life, I was berated by some rando online and told I had Stockholm Syndrome. When I write about any part of my life, I give a full recounting. I don’t leave out any parts that might make me look unsavory. I’m honest. However, when we are
speaking of pedophiles and men who seek out younger girls/women, if the focus doesn’t consistently point to THIS IS SOMETHING MEN SHOULD NOT DO, you’ll get randos berating folks.
When I was 16, there was a 26-year-old man who expressed his interest in me. I knew something was wrong with this, NOT BECAUSE ANYONE TOLD ME but because I felt it. His gaze always seemed to linger a little too long and in that gaze, I saw and felt something that made me feel uncomfortably nasty. I often tried to make sense of why he’d be interested in someone my age. He had a child and wasn’t a bad looking guy. I was positive there were WOMEN his age that would enjoy his company but he wanted mine. He offered to pick me up from school almost every day but I knew not to go anywhere with him by myself. The one time I got in his car and no one was around, we kissed. It STILL felt wrong so I stopped but of course he didn’t want to. He never forced me to do anything (this doesn’t make him any less of a creep) but he used certain speech that constantly indicated what he wanted from me.
I went to high school with his sister and at no time did either of us make mention that this relationship was wrong. She and I even laughed it off. Thinking back on this as an adult, he may not have fucked me but I can bet my next 12 paychecks, he had fucked some other teenager.
There isn’t anything in this world that would ever lead me to blame any of the young girls he might have sexually explored. He was the adult and definitely knew better so he should have behaved better.
I didn’t tell any adults about this because I knew I would be questioned as to what I did to make him pay me attention. What was I wearing when he approached me? What was I saying to him? Why was I in a grown man’s face? Why was I being fast? When none of these things matter because I was in front of my house the first time he saw me. I was nowhere near him and I didn’t know he even existed. He watched me and waited until he had an opportunity to speak to me. Also, none of those things matter because a child cannot make an adult behave
inappropriately. Again, for those slow to grasp this fact: CHILDREN ARE NOT AT FAULT FOR ADULTS' BEHAVIOR.
There were other men throughout my teenage life that pursued me and they all made mention of how mature I was for my age and that I wasn’t like other girls. This is nothing more than a play on a child’s ego because at 16 years old, I was STILL a child. I find myself getting annoyed and upset when I speak about this because so many adults will blame the girls before they even attempt to protect them from these predatory men. “She’s just fast,” or "Look at how she dresses,” or “Her parents don’t have no control over her,” or “She must want that attention” and the list of inappropriate things that adults say about young girls in these situations, goes on. No, I don’t think a teenager having sex warrants the responsibility being placed on her for men to not approach and/or have sex with her. Where is the accountability that MEN must have NOT TO ENGAGE/FUCK CHILDREN? Where is it??? Why isn’t it taken seriously when men prey on our children?
Which brings us to Robert Kelly. To act like we are NOW so grossly appalled at the latest leaking of information about his sexually deviant behavior, is pathetic. There has been repeated proof, even from his own mouth, that he has a problem with his sexual appetite and what satiates it. Yet, we cover it up with “he’s a musical genius.” So. The. Fuck. What. Musical geniuses earn a right to be sexually dangerous and engage in inappropriate behavior? Really? Fuck outta here. His musical talent doesn’t cover up harmful behavior.
Chris Brown whooped Rihanna’s ass and has a restraining order from Karrueche but he’s SO artistically talented, right? The fact that he’s a decent singer, amazing dancer, and pretty damn good painter/graffiti artist, doesn’t cancel out that he has behavior that’s highly unacceptable. WE get that and HELLA people refuse to support any music he puts out because of this. I don’t blame them and that’s definitely their choice to express what they won’t tolerate from musicians they listen to. However, with R. Kelly there’s this weird attachment that people don’t want to let go of. Like, this nigga is for real the Pied Piper! He has folks mesmerized to the point where they make excuses for listening to his music and there’s really no excuses to be had. I won’t lie and say his music is trash but I also won’t sit here and act like that’s a good enough reason to make this a conspiracy theory about another Black men trying to be taken down.
This man NEEDS to be taken down. He’s had 50leven chances to get his shit together and what does he do? Go do even more despicable shit. And what do we do? Exactly what people did when I told them about the 26-year-old who wanted to fuck me. Nothing. Or worse, blame the
girls/young women being preyed on by this fucking creep.
I can’t force anyone to not listen to music that comes from people who are beyond problematic. I’m sure I listen to some musical artists who got some shit that’s ridonkulous about their behavior and I might need to separate myself from that musical attachment. I’m positive that if I
combed through all of the music I have to rid myself of all the toxicity that is attached to the artist, I’d probably be listening to wind chimes. We pick and we choose what’s disgraceful enough to no longer fuck with the artist and what we can tuck away and separate from the music.
This is something I cannot and will not separate.