I love black hair. Big ass, wild ass, ign’ant, in-your-face, black mothafuckin’ hair.
And don’t get me wrong, I like small black hair too. I dig the short shit. I can certainly work with the dirty-tennis ball look. But yo, there’s just nothing quite like a big ass, black ass hairdo. Nothing.
I mean can straight blonde hair ball up into a black fist and shoot into the sky proud and mighty or glisten in the left over Blue Magic scraped from the container? Can straight blonde hair sparkle like a crown of jewels from the thousands of tightly woven locks that curl over and twinkle in the light like power to the people?
Hell naw. Only black hair can. Because big ass black hair is a mothafuckin’ movement.
It’s a middle finger to White supremacy. A symbolic “fuck you” to European imperialism. Big ass black hair is a big ass black sponge...soaking up the never-ending streams of White tears that rain down from the eyes of Apple Pie-Eyed Middle-America.
Black hair makes my damn balls tingle. I cum strong off of big ass black hair. I’m nasty. I know.
Big ass black hair isn’t just about fros and waves. It’s thick. Nappy too. It’s long. Shiiiiid, it’s nothing short of a superpower when the braided black ropes dangle like the tentacles of the Diaspora reaching into our posterity to remind us we are fucking royalty. Kings. Queens. Princes and princesses. We are regal to the fucking core.
Grow your gawd damn crown. Sit on your throne of blackassness.
Man, if this shit were a video game, the great big boss you’d have to beat at the very end would have big ass black hair. And to defeat them, you would have to shoot some sort of gun loaded with poisonous White Privilege and strands of cottage cheese.
Apple sauce cups or All-bland-anything. Whatever you chuck, the video game boss with a name like Angela Bassett or Nina Simone would not be defeated. Nor would James Baldwin or Malcolm X. Not Eva Ayllón. Not Nancy Morejón. Not Marcus Garvey. Not Jesse Williams. Not any one of you reading this emancipation declaration aka proclamation of independence remixed and reworded because…
...find strength in our big ass black hair.